Foster “Failure” – The Real Story

I know it’s early in the season, but I know many of you out there are just about at the point of falling in love with one of your fosters.  We have all been there. Up until now you have been strong and let those fosters kittens go up for adoption and find loving homes. But it is oh so hard when you are on your second, third … sixth litter of kittens. They get us when we are at our most vulnerable.

I am a foster “failure.”  I actually have two foster failures at my house … they are 16 and 11 years old now and I decided to keep them a long time ago. So I am not going to say that being a foster failure is off limits — that would be like saying I had the ice cream, but you can’t … not fair!  BUT… I will say you need to tread very carefully when being a foster home. You need to understand the WHY behind keeping the kitty, whether it’s a kitten or an adult cat (seniors are my personal weakness).

WHY are you keeping this kitty (or kitties!)?

These are some of the reasons I have heard:

• No one can take care of the cat/kitten like I do…
• I don’t trust adopters of this kitty…Or: I met a potential adopter and I didn’t like them so I will keep the kitty instead…
• We have a special bond…
• I can’t stand separating these two kittens…Or: These litter mates are too bonded to each other to separate them…
• No one will want him or her…
• I can’t stand sending him/her back to the stress of the shelter…

And do we plan this? We usually don’t.

But I would venture to say that being a foster failure for these reasons can actually be an early warning sign of compassion fatigue. If you find yourself asking yourself those doubting questions above then you should also take a look at how you are doing in other areas. Are you exhausted, not eating right, not enjoying the summer in other ways than trapping, fostering and caring for the kitties? Do you have enough time for your own cats? (Base this on how are they behaving. This was a big one for me — I could always tell in my cats’ behavior when I was spread too thin). Check in with family members and see what is going on with them and if they are sensing a change in your behavior. These are all signs of compassion fatigue and I would guess that many of us have made a decision to keep a kitten or cat when we are feeling the most maxed out. It may be the sign that fostering isn’t for you right nowand you need to take a break from it until next season and channel your energy in other ways. You can still help — but you need to focus on your first.

I can’t tell you how many times I adopted out kitties from my house and I cried for a day after they left. I should have been happy — the cats were all fine and did well, but I wasn’t doing well. It was a sign and I didn’t see it then. I want you to be aware of this now! July and August are the hardest months of the year. Everyone wants to party and here we are cleaning litter boxes, cleaning ears, putting eye drops in eyes … you know what I am saying.

Again, I will go back to the fact that I am a foster failure –so I understand and sympathize with everyone that this does and will happen, but it helps to understand more deeply the reasons behind it. Please be on the lookout for your friends and yourself.

Lastly, I would like to share the Kitten Lady’s thoughts on being a foster failure.  She is about the big picture and it is also very good to keep this in mind too, when you are thinking about adopting your fosters.

Enjoy:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXWUCKB5zQY

Published July 8, 2018.